Craft Name Generator

Scott McNutt: Comic relief sought for county's humor deficit

With the Knox County budget set, county commissioners are scrambling to provide entertainment value to residents because of slashed entertainment funds. Some commissioners are worried that, without an administration committed to funding comic relief, county government may be in danger of becoming too tame to amuse citizens spoiled by the antics of previous officeholders.

Commissioner Sam McKenzie warned that, without government investment, quality political theater could face extinction locally.

"Cultural endeavors need government backing, and that includes providing sufficient resources to keep our constituents in stitches," McKenzie said. "Quality of life is about more than cutting discount bus rides for senior citizens and other community programs to fund $3 million road extensions so developers can build high-end flea markets called 'Turkey Creek Jr.' At the least, we need to budget dollars to craft a more whimsical name, like, 'The Legend of Turkey Creek,' 'Father of the Bride of the Legend of Turkey Creek,' or "Turkey Creek II: The Wrath of Concrete."

McKenzie added that, if the administration wasn't careful, there would be no go-to laugh-producers left in county government. For hilarity, he said, Knox County would be reduced to "asking Anthony Weiner to present a talk on the dangers of sexting or inviting Sarah Palin to give a July 4 speech on 'America's Undependence Day.'"

Commission Chairman Mike Hammond, while characterizing commissioners as still doing "yeoman's work" entertaining residents, ticked off some of commission's recent humor impairments: the departure of the panel's most colorful members, Paul Pinkston, Scott "Scoobie" Moore, and Greg "Lumpy" Lambert; commission's shrunken stature and changed committee structures; the closure of the Solid Waste Department investigation and the probably soon-to-be imminent sale of the county's greenwaste facility; the newly arrived-at detente on budget oversight between the mayor's office and the fee offices; and the Knox County mayor continuing to be Tim Burchett and not Mike Ragsdale.

"Let's be honest: Those are gargantuan comedic challenges, and we have some big clown shoes to fill," Hammond said.

He identified the most significant challenge as Commission's reduction from a robust 19-member improv troupe to its current 11-member rump status.

"We've cut staff, cut budgets and most challenging, cut members," he said. "With fewer members and new committee rules, we've also cut our performa - our meeting times in half, so we have limited opportunities for grandstanding. However, I want to single out Commissioner Amy Broyles for praise here. She's been a real trouper, heroically trying to fill the Pinkston-Lumpy-Scoobie gab gap to close the entertainment deficit. But it's a struggle. And of course she had to overcome an anonymous critic, whose antics, once exposed, turned out to be more laughable than our own.

Lady Pixie Moondrip's Guide to Craft Names | Cyber Cauldron

In the Olde Days, when our pagan ancestors were going through the persecutions we now invoke to justify various kinds of current silliness, witches took craft names to conceal their identities and avoid those annoying visits by the Inquisition. In the course of years, it was noticed that these aliases could also be used as a foundation for building up a magical personality, carrying out various kinds of Tran-formative work on the self, and the like. It’s clear, though, that these were mere distractions from the real purpose lying hidden within the craft name tradition. It took contact with other sources of ancient, mystic lore – mostly the SCA, role-playing games, and assorted fantasy trilogies – to awaken the Craft to the innermost secret of craft names: they make really cool fashion statements.

It’s in this spirit that Lady Pixie Moondrip offers the following guidelines to choosing your own craft name. Such a guide is long overdue; the point of fashion, after all, is that it allows you to express your own utterly unique individuality by doing exactly the same thing as everyone else. (Those who are particularly drawn to this element of the craft name tradition will find the Random Craft Name Generator near the end of this guide especially useful.)

The approaches given here can be used separately, or combined in a single name to produce any number of interesting effects. Given enough cleverness (and lack of taste), the possibilities are endless!

Starting Off Right

Whatever else you do, you should certainly begin your craft name with “Lord” or “Lady.” First of all, it’s pretentious, and that’s always a good way to start. Secondly, it makes an interesting statement about a religion that supposedly has its roots in the traditions of peasants and rural tribespeople. Thirdly, since most Craft groups use exactly these same words for the God and the Goddess, this creates a (by no means inappropriate) confusion about just who it is that we worship.

Divine Names

Along the same lines, you can always take the name of a god, a goddess, a mythological being or a legendary hero as your craft name, thus putting yourself on the same level as the powers you invoke.

Having once watched two fifteen-year-old boys get into a fistfight over which had the right to call himself “Lord Merlin,” Lady Pixie has a high opinion of the possibilities of this approach. She notes, however, that there seems to be an unwritten law among those who have made use of this type of name already, and it’s no doubt wisest to follow suit: the more grandiose the name that you choose, the more of a complete nebbish you should be. Nearly anyone can carry off, say, “Lady Niwalen,” but it takes a special kind of person to handle a name like “Lord Jehovah God Almighty.” Fortunately, there are those among us who are equal to the task.

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